It's the eve of my birthday and shock, horror, I'm writing on my blog. I'm not sure why, but after innumerable conversations about the fallen status of the world and the equally post-lapsarian descent of my chest, sometimes I just need to untangle things on the screen, to write it out, as it were, in some sort of attempt to get my head into gear. While I do try and take the Gordian knot approach to some aspects of my life these days, this time it's just not working.
When you get to a certain age, say, 26, do things start to make sense? I had always assumed so, but as I currently have about 45 minutes or so for the lightbulb to appear, it seems less and less likely that age will confer wisdom within the hour. Or, is ageing just a process of accepting? Do you just 'come to terms' with things, try and understand that they never really will add up, and make your peace with a small corner of the world. I'm not sure, but right now neither is working as one might hope.
It's just, there's something precious in my life right now, but it's also something that seems slightly out of reach. I'm not sure what to do, we're getting so good at banging heads that I'm worried we'll forget how to enjoy each other, how to live well. I want to hang on, but every time we clutch at one another in the search for something solid, we both seem to come away puzzled, empty handed, like participants in a magic trick that's worked too well.
Like Peter Pan, I've found my shadow but can't quite sew it to my feet.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Blahdy blah blah
So.
Life.
Huh.
It's been awhile. How's things? I hadn't really forgotten about you, I swear, I was just saving you from myself, I promise. Having spent the better part of the last two months on seek.com, all I can really say is, no-one needs to see, hear about, or have anything to do with that shit. Really. I'm sure the only thing that could be more boring than being a jobseeker, is being the poor ear continually bent by said doleista.
Having said that, however, I'll give it a go, just because we've got so much to catch up on, and I figure my friends have suffered enough. Basically, K Rudd's been giving me the occasional bit of pocket money to tide things over, but it's pretty slow. I did, however, score a job today. It was, however, the job that I think I wrote about in an earlier post - the 'positive attitude to data entry one'. I feel vaguely distressed by this - a job that I have seen advertised for years, which seems to feature only poor conditions, a bad wage, and what seems to be limited career development (and, which I applied for in a flurry of Newstart-requirement desperation) seems to be the only thing that has turned up after 3 degrees, higher education lecturing and tutoring positions, and international work experience.
Sigh.
Anyway, I have a couple of days grace on deciding whether to accept it as I actually have a medical 'reason' not to take it up. I've developed cracking migraines derived from - you guessed it - excessive, close computer work. Thus a neurologist has recommended that I don't take up this kind of work and find something out in the fresh air... or something.
Anyhoo, even though I feel like my brain is atrophying these days, apparently it's not. I had to have an MRI scan, one of the stranger experiences of my life, and came out with some purdy pictures. While I couldn't get mine off the 3D CD they gave me, one of them looks quite like this:
For those of you who don't know me, it's true.
I am this hot.
Life.
Huh.
It's been awhile. How's things? I hadn't really forgotten about you, I swear, I was just saving you from myself, I promise. Having spent the better part of the last two months on seek.com, all I can really say is, no-one needs to see, hear about, or have anything to do with that shit. Really. I'm sure the only thing that could be more boring than being a jobseeker, is being the poor ear continually bent by said doleista.
Having said that, however, I'll give it a go, just because we've got so much to catch up on, and I figure my friends have suffered enough. Basically, K Rudd's been giving me the occasional bit of pocket money to tide things over, but it's pretty slow. I did, however, score a job today. It was, however, the job that I think I wrote about in an earlier post - the 'positive attitude to data entry one'. I feel vaguely distressed by this - a job that I have seen advertised for years, which seems to feature only poor conditions, a bad wage, and what seems to be limited career development (and, which I applied for in a flurry of Newstart-requirement desperation) seems to be the only thing that has turned up after 3 degrees, higher education lecturing and tutoring positions, and international work experience.
Sigh.
Anyway, I have a couple of days grace on deciding whether to accept it as I actually have a medical 'reason' not to take it up. I've developed cracking migraines derived from - you guessed it - excessive, close computer work. Thus a neurologist has recommended that I don't take up this kind of work and find something out in the fresh air... or something.
Anyhoo, even though I feel like my brain is atrophying these days, apparently it's not. I had to have an MRI scan, one of the stranger experiences of my life, and came out with some purdy pictures. While I couldn't get mine off the 3D CD they gave me, one of them looks quite like this:
For those of you who don't know me, it's true.
I am this hot.
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